awake one long night

from my journal march 8, 2009 at 3:00am

with a sigh goes my prayer, Holy Spirit interpret what you hear. Jesus Your blood covers all, please lift me up no matter how much i fall. i know You are doing some great work within me, to make me ever more like Thee. so before the burning alter i stand, willing to offer myself again and again. until the work You have started is complete and i lay everything always at Your feet. then Your blessings will all pour out and i will no longer be filled with doubt. on that day i will truly understand that i am always and forever in Your loving hands.

Am I Lovey?

Am I lovely? Trying to capture this beauty that I know lies somewhere deep within. "You are a strong woman" they say. Am I? How can you tell? What is it that you see? It cannot be this same woman who feels so alone in a crowded room or the one who, even among friends, feels abandoned. No it cannot be her. Not the woman who brings nothing but frustration and hardship to her husband. Nor the woman who cries for the loss of something she's never had. Certainly it is not her. How can it be? Am I lovely? Where is this beauty within? I cannot find it, but it must be here, I just know it is, somewhere...

something new

flowers that James surprised me with one saturday afternoon! so sweet!


one with me and the purdy flowers :D


neat shot, somewhere along the royal mile in scotland.


edinburgh castle, high upon a rocky hill, neat!


robert the bruce, close up.

wow, i know what a slacker i am!! oh well, i'm over it, hehe. so here's a little something i wrote a few months ago and a few random pics. it's short, kinda lame, so enjoy or don't, i like it regardless! :)

heaven's flowers shine so brightly and their music plays a soft symphony for all to hear. their fragrance is the sweetest perfume and their colors the most vibrant one has ever seen. i must be dreaming but i could sit among them forever for they play my hearts tune.

so there it is, make of it what you will! in other news, i almost broke down crying in church this morning but for a good reason. it was while we were singing, i don't remember what song it was, i just remember singing then listening to the congregation as we all sung. a picture flashed through my mind of us all being before the throne of the Most High God and we were singing to Him with the angels. it was a beautiful image and brought me to tears. but being the selfish person i am, i didn't want to cry in public so i snapped back to "reality" as it were and continued singing. but it reminded me of something i read recently, i really wanted to stay there in that moment.

it comes from a book called "Come Away My Beloved" Frances J. Roberts

it quotes Ezekiel 1:16 ...a wheel in the middle of a wheel.

and goes on to say this "Time is like a little wheel set within the big wheel of Eternity. The little wheel turns swiftly and shall one day cease. The big wheel turns not, but goes straighforward. Time is your responsibility---Eternity is Mine!"

then continues "The pressures of time have increased as sin has increased, and all too often My children have been found living more in the little wheel than in the big. This happens whenever the flesh is in ascendancy over the Spirit. Whenever the opposite is true, you have always experienced a fleeting but glorious freedom from the racing little wheel. Is it not true? You have found the Spirit always unhurried, and you have marveled to find how oblivious you had been to the passage of time whenever you have been truly in the Spirit.
You can live here as much as you choose. You can enjoy this rest and disengage yourself from the little wheel as often and as long as you desire. You will lose nothing and gain much. Try it as a therapy for your physical body. It will most certainly be a tremendous source of energy and vitality for your spiritual life!"

i believe i left the "little wheel" for an all too brief moment this morning at church. granted that's not the first time i've experienced something like that (please don't think i'm bragging, that's not my intention) but it is the first time i've felt comfortable sharing it with more than just my mom or dad. it was a beautiful image, all of us before the throne of God, praising and singing to Him! glorious! i don't always pray in this manner, but one of the chaplain's wives here says that when she prays she tries to picture herself kneeling, praying at the feet of Jesus or before the throne. it's humbling. try it the next time you pray and see for yourself.